I fear I will never be well again. Governor Cuomo of New York has declared a state of emergency because so many people are sick with the flu.
I have an impressive hacking cough and now (fortunately) codeine cough syrup. I begged off clinic today and gave my call away, at least until Wednesday night. It would be unwise for me to attend a birth right now.
I have been sick for about a month, with a reprieve to go celebrate Maya's birthday with her.
I'm done with being sick.
Sometimes, being sick is an opportunity to get caught up on my reading, divest myself of any responsibility, have hot brandy with lemon and watch crap TV.
Now I'm just bored.
When I got home from Esalen, I opened a card from a friend who I've known for 30+ years. We tried to be girlfriends a few times but it didn't work. Then her marriage fell apart and she sought me out for comfort, which I was glad to give. We saw each other a bit, hung out, went to dinner, that sort of thing. This was about five years ago. She's busy, I'm a midwife, schedules are hard.
I saw her less and less. I tried to schedule dinners that I'd have to cancel. So she just decided to unilaterally 'release me' as a friend because I'm not the kind of person she wants as a friend.
Wow. That's all I can say. As someone who was thrown out of her family at a tender age, I don't get that. I haven't changed. I haven't become an ax murderer or a Republican. I can go for months without talking to people I dearly love. I don't put them out of my heart because they don't fulfill my concept of what a friend is. Or meet all my expectations.
I'm far from perfect. I can be mean and cold and distant. And I can be generous and kind. No reason to kick me off the friend list.
I have just had my nightly cough syrup. It's delicious. I wonder if I will be visited by any more rock stars. Or Johnny Depp.