Monday, January 21, 2013

I fear I will never be well again. Governor Cuomo of New York has declared a state of emergency because so many people are sick with the flu.

I have an impressive hacking cough and now (fortunately) codeine cough syrup. I begged off clinic today and gave my call away, at  least until Wednesday night. It would be unwise for me to attend a birth right now.

I have been sick for about a month, with a reprieve to go celebrate Maya's birthday with her.

I'm done with being sick.


Sometimes, being sick is an opportunity to get caught up on my reading, divest myself of any responsibility, have hot brandy with lemon and watch crap TV.

Now I'm just bored.

When I got home from Esalen, I opened a card from a friend who I've known for 30+ years. We tried to be girlfriends a few times but it didn't work. Then her marriage fell apart and she sought me out for comfort, which I was glad to give. We saw each other a bit, hung out, went to dinner, that sort of thing. This was about five years ago. She's busy, I'm a midwife, schedules are hard.

I saw her less and less. I tried to schedule dinners that I'd have to cancel. So she just decided to unilaterally 'release me' as a friend because I'm not the kind of person she wants as a friend.

Wow. That's all I can say. As someone who was thrown out of her family at a tender age, I don't get that. I haven't changed. I haven't become an ax murderer or a Republican. I can go for months without talking to people I dearly love. I don't put them out of my heart because they don't fulfill my concept of what a friend is. Or meet all my expectations.

I'm far from perfect. I can be mean and cold and distant. And I can be generous and kind. No reason to kick me off the friend list.

I have just had my nightly cough syrup. It's delicious. I wonder if I will be visited by any more rock stars. Or Johnny Depp.


Sabine said...

That's sick, I mean the thing with your "friend". Are there Hallmark cards for that kind of message? I bet someone has written a whole book about it, as in How to defriend and grow rich.

As for the cough and cold: air your rooms, rest and sleep and rest, ginger, lemon, hot whiskey, sudoku, TV, rest and sleep and rest and sleep. It'll vanish with the snow and ice eventually. You know that. Stay on top of it. All the best. And remember to rest and sleep. The official term is: surrender.

Ms. Moon said...

I wish you friends who are always there no matter the distance between visits. I wish you health. I wish you sweet dreams of sweet faces.
I wish you as many refills on that cough syrup as you can get.

Mel said...

Friends like that I'd think are ok to lose. You and I have similar friendship styles. I'd never break up with you.
Jeepers, get well. I live in fear of illness this winter, it's all over the news, and I've had my flu shot but that puking crap is everywhere around us.
Enjoy those codeine dreams.

Ellena said...

I lost what I thought to be good friends, husband and wife, because I was not interested to try LSD.
To think of it, I was lucky to not loose more than these two because I was 62 by the time I took three puffs of pot and decided to stop right there. Maybe I don't know what I'm missing but, ok.
Get well soon.

Radish King said...

That is so sad about the friends thing. This weekend my brother told me that a friendship basically lasts about seven years. I think that was a sad and fucked up statement. I think he came to those statistics through his own sadness. I refuse to believe it.

I have a bottle of codeine syrup at home if you need it. I'm allergic. I'll gladly pass it on to you.


beth coyote said...

Sabine-how to defriend and grow rich-hahahahaha made me laugh.

mary-I got me some super deluxe cough syrup, for parties

Mel-I promise I won't drive but what about mixing codeine and a wee bit of brandy? Couldn't hurt.

Ellena-I don't think you are a drug addict!

RK-Isn't seven years the time it takes to replace all the cells in your body?