Thursday, October 25, 2007

I had to buy another cell phone so I went to cell phone hell, the mall. At the entrance to the store there was a little girl ballerina in a pink tutu. Her hair was all pulled up into a little girl bun with pink fake roses. She was twirling and doing floaty arms. Her mother was right behind her in the store sitting at a card table with ballerina pictures on it. What is this, I said to myself. Maybe they are working on getting her over her fear of dancing in front of strangers. Or it is a prelude to Halloween. Or it is so surreal, the cell phone purchasing experience is somehow enhanced. Pink sticky-outy skirt, white tights and pink ballet slippers. And a hair bun. Yikes.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

All the names of love: a pernicious manual

I never lie

I never said that

I have a plan

I have all the money you need

I can’t live without you

I can’t live without you

The bruises don’t show

I can quit any time I want

I have no secrets

I will never leave you

I promise

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Of course, Seattle news is BIG WINDSTORM COMING. Tie the children down, get water, flashlight batteries and canned food!! And it was a bit windy, leaves pelting the streets, birds blown about. Thats it, no more. In the Northeast, we have some weather, frozen toes and winter forever and ever. This stuff is just so...mild, silly really. Only a few more weeks and I can rejoin my writing group. I am an amputated limb without them ( to steal from Phillip Marlowe in The Big Sleep, or maybe The Lady in the Lake).

Sunday, October 14, 2007

what to do on the weekends

Yesterday Judith and I went kayaking in South Sound. That is to say that Judith drove up from Portland loaded with gear and expertise and I showed up with gum boots and a kayak paddle that wouldn't go together (frozen apparently) and lunch and willingness. The day began foggy, so foggy we couldn't see across the bay. While trying to wiggle into her very narrow boat, I slid off into the water so I started wet, very wet. And cold. And I looked like I knew what I was doing, obviously. So we started out. It was...beautiful, quiet, lots of seals and sea birds. We stopped for lunch and by that time we were so cold we were hopping around like fools, hallucinating hot tubs, fluffy robes, big fires, etc. I took off whatever wet clothes I could. Then, miraculously, the sun came out and we were saved.

Today Ramey and I went to hear the Mozart Requiem. The lady next to me had symphony Tourrettes. She alternated between sighing, clutching her chest, tapping on her program, and groaning in time with the music. I closed my eyes and that helped. I realized that soloist singers get to wear big dresses that look like curtains. Where to they make such dresses? I don't know.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Today we made 67 jars of grape jelly, a long, messy process, much sugar underfoot and burned on the stove and the satisfying little 'pop' when the lids seal. Some of it is amber and some is pink, depended on the color of the grapes (of course). We ate a bunch with spoons, really the only way to appreciate the subtle flavors and so GRAPEY. Our neighbors said they opened their jar and ate it on ice cream. Then they just ate it plain, on their fingers. Now the counter is littered with jars. Oh, and there is still raw juice in the fridge, crap, and a TON of grapes outside on the vine. Just say no, let the raccoons have 'em.

Went for a walk around Seward Park. Wind blowing and rain, just right.

Saturday, October 06, 2007


So I got a ticket for running a red light and it was one of those camera/video things on Denny and Fairview. I just got a ticket in the mail. Wha...!!! I don't even REMEMBER running a red light but, yup, there is my car cruising through the intersection. Crap. Now I feel all paranoid, like, whatever else did I forget last week? Did I rob a bank, have an affair, run naked through my neighborhood? I could feature the naked bit, cold air on my skin...

I have been called to jury duty countless times, even though I am emotionally unstable. The last time I HAD TO APPEAR even though I said, look, I'm a midwife, I have a crazy schedule, etc. You get these bus tickets and boy o boy, riding the bus to the courthouse, whew, many recently released persons having activities around the bus stops. Then there is the cattle call for juries, very unusual kind of experience. So I was an alternate for a guy accused of assault and battery. He was sitting there at the table with his lawyer, playing with a pencil and trying to look nonchalant. I said to the guy next to me, 'he looks so guilty" and he agreed, probably an anger management problem. Then the plaintiffs name was mentioned and it was an East Indian name so then we decided it was a hate crime too. We had the guy behind bars for years. Then the judge asked if anyone had a hardship and couldn't serve. I stood up and said,"I'm a midwife, bla, bla" and he said," get outta here".

Eden changed my pictures. I must convince her to continue to amuse me.

Dr Tesla's Grocery List

1. Dirigible
2. Salt substitute
3. Scabrous leakage stain remover
4. Milk, butter, eggs
5. Box of crosshairs
6. Breath mints
7. Milk of magnesia
8. Proper nativity set (with lights)
9. Mouthwash