There is nothing to say right now. I was in ignorance on Tuesday until I wasn't.
How do we bear the most terrible news? We are the mother of the boy with the gun. We are the mother of the dead child on a classroom floor. We are the law enforcement person who rescues their child but not others from the deadly building. We are the governor saying words that don't make sense, that continue to harm.
And that's all I have. I do not understand my fellow humans.
Dear friends
Warm and overcast.
My mind a muddle and my emotions are churning. I'm letting love in again and I don't mean universal, ever expanding love for all beings. I mean love for a particular person. Someone I've known for a long time. And I'm twitterpated. Seriously. I think 'those' feelings have been in the deep freeze for a long time and then the pandemic and all the things.
Mostly I've been FINE with isolation and quiet. And my practice. I am certainly see how romantic love messes everything up, rearranges everything. As Ronny so famously said in Moonstruck,
"Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart."
So there you have it. I will say no more. To touch into this too deeply, maybe it will go away. For the time being, I'm doing all the usual things; swimming, dog stuff, laundry, gardening. And allowing my heart to open (and break).
Two deep breaths, darlings.
Dear friends-
Today Diane and I hiked Oyster Dome in Bellingham, about 1 1/2 hours from Seattle. Sunny day, about 5 miles, incredible view at the top of the Sound dotted with islands. However, we, um, took the wrong trail back to the car and ended up WAAAAAYYYY far from the car. So.
As we neared the road we were not supposed to be on at the end of our hike, and realizing we were lost, a young man ***Johnny*** was just ahead of us and I asked, "would you be willing to drive us to our car?" Without hesitation, he said yes.
Our angel with the beautiful blue eyes from Ketchikan who is currently working in a nursing home.
Thank you Johnny. We ended up hiking 8 + miles on our old legs. But the view
was pretty spectacular. And you saved our bacon. We love you forever.
Dear friends-
Studying with Roshi Joan this weekend and just weeping a lot. You know, the kind where the tears just leak out. There are too many things to list so I won't. I know you know.
A bit ago, I got a message from DoorDash telling me my delivery would be a bit late????? I responded that I had't ordered anything from them??? and perhaps they had the wrong number. A while later, a young guy came to my gate with a large vase of flowers from my daughter for mother's day. Ha! He apologized for spoiling the surprise. I was so flummoxed I didn't tip him. Oops.
Saw an old woman wearing a pussy hat when I walked the dog. It's that time again. Will be writing letters to strangers again to get out the vote.
We are in the grip of Mordor, I'm afraid.
I'm angry and sad.
Meanwhile the garden continues to be extravagantly gorgeous. Nature don't care what we stoopid humans get up to. Still no hummingbirds. I'm worried about them.
While practicing a death meditation, Felix came in and breathed loudly and fragrantly in my face. He just doesn't let me get too serious. Because he's a goof.
Much love, comrades. Keep up the good fight and love one another fiercely.
Beth
