Medgar Evers Pool has underwater lights that change colors, from blue to green to purple. The first time I swam there, I thought I was having a stroke. Now I'm used to it. I imagine that I'm swimming the jade green river that runs through Glacier National Park, then I'm in Crater Lake, then I'm in the Pacific off Maui, all within 5 minutes.

I wish they'd add some turtles.

I'm performing a wedding in Maui in March so I'll be able to swim with turtles. They're dreamy with front flippers and beautiful eyes. The signs say not to touch them but one morning I was the only one in the water and there were 6 turtles all around me. I touched one, just a little. They're my real family, my water family. I heart sea turtles.

That's it for squishy posts. I won't do it again. Sorry.

The acupuncturists say that the turning wheel of the year brings unbalanced chi (ie. moving from Summer into Fall). Because we had no appreciable summer here AT ALL, not that I'm bitter, I think it entirely unfair that I feel sick-ish with a sniffly nose and a slight cough. All because it is officially Fall, what with the menace of pumpkins carved into grotesques and evil candy for children, which makes them insane and twitchy in school.

(((sigh)))

Otherwise, I'm quite chipper, despite my off kilter chi.

I'm still at work because I am lame. Or because I like to stay here. At home is the torn-up bathroom and the prospects of some kind of weird dinner.

I am mostly a good citizen. I recycle, I don't eat animals and I feed my cats extremely expensive food. I exercise most days and I have work that is, for the most part, non-harming. Welcoming babies into the world safely is work that has a decent reputation where I live. However, it is sometimes hard as hell and scary and exhausting. And lonely. When I get together with my midwife buddies, we talk non-stop about births that scared us. There aren't many births that fall into that category but we don't have other outlets. I mean, normal people don't want to hear about gore and such. I wouldn't.

Not one but two babies, one before midnight, the other after. Beautiful, healthy, pink babies. They wanted to come out because the rain was soft and dreamy. And warm, like a warm shower from the sky. I walked around in my yard after I got home in the early dawn. I admit I was muttering but in a nice way.

Then my tenant woke me up with rap music coming through the floor. I detest rap music. Blech. I know, I'm not hip. Sorry. Rap music=dreck.

I'm waiting for a baby. One of my colleagues wrote a book about her career as a midwife, her very long career. I looked up the publisher of her book because, well, I admit, I was jealous. The publisher publishes Christian books because we aren't saved unless we've been washed in blood, something I wasn't aware of. I'm apparently a terrible sinner and completely unredeemable. And I don't want to bathe in blood. It just doesn't interest me. Besides, it's gross. I don't think it's what JC had in mind.

I'll probably be struck by lightening and my hair will ignite. But I'll be in good company. You know who you are. All because of my publishing jealousy.

Sheesh.

I'm contemplating eating a wee slice of vegan cheesecake I made 2 weeks ago. What could happen? I believe in the healing power of microbes, something my daughter and I disagree about. She comes to visit and she stands at my fridge with the garbage pail. She asks (in an accusatory tone) how old things are. Then she chucks the offending item in the garbage. I am usually meek while this is going on, occasionally lying about the relative age of the lasagna or fruit salad. You can cut mold off cheese, right? I mean, cheese IS mold. And certain things taste better the longer they 'marry'. Like spagetti sauce. I think she thinks I'm trying to poison her. But I'm not.

I got my eyebrows dyed today and now I look like Groucho Marx.

Oh, by the way. I'm writing a bunch of new poems. I have to keep lighted candles by them. They're afraid of the dark.

I read/partially read a Nick Cave book over the weekend. It was about a man named Bunny. It sucked so bad I put it in recycling. I NEVER recycle books except for the stupid phonebook. This book did not deserve to be published. He used 'or something' on EVERY PAGE. Lazy. And awful. It gave me a stomach ache. Sorry, NIck Cave. I like your music. Maybe you should stick to that.

I was here over the weekend. I didn't want to come back. Ever.

Saturday night I went dancing and a bunch of goth people came in dressed in lingerie and fangs. Very small lingerie. Fancy hairdos and lots of makeup. But mostly cleavage. I was distinctly out of place in my sensible dancing shoes. The women were very thin. Very. Thin. At times I think I'm just visiting from another planet and observing the behaviors of the earthlings. Here is a group of people who dress up as undead in fishnets and pointy teeth Two days before that I stood at the bedside of a friend as she stopped breathing. We laid out her body. We bathed her. We sang to her and wished her well. I went dancing because I still could. As a living person. Mostly I'm thinking about what makes us happy. For some it's social activism. For others it's Victoria's Secret.

As I left the hospital after Margo died, I wanted to get on a motorcycle and ride, anywhere. The next day, Morgan showed up on her bike. I dusted off my leathers and we went out for about four hours. It was beautiful. Morgan wants to go to Mount Rainier next. Oh hell yes.

Margo Adair--------------------- 2/26/1950--9/2/2010

Sweetheart, now you're free.

I'm listening to Rene Fleming sing from La Traviata, complete with a dress that is half falling off her shoulders. I could do the dress falling off part but not the singing. She's in St Petersburg too and I am in my living room in Seattle. There aren't any onion shaped domes out the window or canals full of water. There, you see, another difference. Plus the high C. Oh, they're in a Russian palace.

I just made a cheese-less cheesecake all vegan and raw and so divine. (and costing $$$$$ for ingredients)

Crust: 2 cups macadamia nuts, 1/2 cup dates-grind in a cuisinart and press into a spring form pan. Dust with coconut flakes first.

Filling: 3 cups cashews, soaked for 2 hours, 3/4 cup lemon juice, 3/4 cup agave or maple syrup, 3/4 cup coconut oil, 1/2 cup water, 1 tsp vanilla and 1/2 tsp salt-puree in cuisinart and pour over crust.

Freeze until firm. Take out an hour before, loosen from the pan sides, garnish with raspberries and yummmmmm !!!!

After my dinner guests are done, I'm taking all leftovers to my neighbors so I'm not temped to eat the rest and gain 20 pounds.