Sunday, June 26, 2016

Dear ones-It's Pride Sunday in Seattle and the sky is a clear blue.

I'm not going to the parade. I'm going dancing with a few friends and then I think I'll take the dog somewhere for a walk.

I'm not getting married. I am, once again, a single person. I'm very sad about this but it was my decision to end it. As the months have gone by, it was clear that we couldn't communicate easily. There was too much drama. I began to be anxious and fearful and those feelings grew and grew. Yuck. I really tried. I feel so much relief and so much sorrow.

I would like to be partnered. I have learned that after this experience. I was fine before I met H and I will be again. I'm very grateful that she didn't move in, that we didn't marry. I'm free to think my own thoughts and have my own opinions without someone else criticizing or judging. Her need to control was greater than her fervent desire to be open hearted and vulnerable. Being with her brought up  old family patterns that are no longer useful. Like stepping out of a dark prison into the light.

Yesterday a friend and I went for a gorgeous hike that took us far away from Seattle. The mountains is where I pray. And heal.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Angelic Mount Rainier

On Sunday, Holly and I hiked Rampart Ridge in the park and O it was glorious.

This sky is for all our darlings who died in Orlando. This is what we believe.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

I would like to go here tomorrow. Any objections?

You can stay overnight here too. 


Monday, June 13, 2016

Home from a candlelight vigil for those who have died and those injured in Orlando.

When I came out, the gay bar was the one place where we could go and feel safe, free, loved, ourselves, our true selves.

This morning I heard the news on the radio and what I saw was a Florida bar filled with beautiful men and women, dancing and flirting. Beautiful men with their shirts off. Women with tattoos and cowboy boots. Dancing with their sweethearts. Dancing because it's what you do on Saturday night/Sunday morning during Pride month. The sheer animal joy of moving to the music.

And then a man with an assault rifle took it all away. Killed and maimed over a 100 people. All that beauty gone.  My gay brothers and sisters. Men and women who came out to their families ( or haven't come out to their families) with fear and worry. And some families embrace their gay children. Some don't. Maybe they were out at their jobs, maybe they hid who they were.

But the bar, the dance floor where they could move and express and feel such joy to be alive as they really are. To have that violated.

I spent the day with my loved ones, my queer friends, my girlfriend. I needed to be with my people. We are hated. We are feared. And sometimes we are killed in horrific ways. Like today.