Monday, April 28, 2008

I'm gonna sleep on the couch so I will hear Ramey if she needs me. She came home today with many drugs, many.

When I was healing from a car accident, crush injury (yuck) I took to taking a vicodan and leaving the tv on. I was sleeping on the couch anyway. I'd take my lovely vicodan so I would go to sleep or at least pass out because my arm hurt all the time, all the time. One night I woke up and there was a preacher behind a podium wearing a gawdawful lime green poly suit. He even had big hair and he was do'in some HEALING, DEAR JEAZUS. He said to put your injury right up against the tv screen so I did, I crawled up to the screen and laid my arm on it. He was yelling HEAL-HEAL IN HZ NAME!!! I would try anything and I was hallucinating from all the narcotics so it made total sense at three in the morning. Of course it worked, after about a year of rehab.

Ramey has these bolts coming out from her leg attached to some rods and screws. Frankenleg. When this comes off, she gets another surgery to put a rod IN her leg. Ouch.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

the dog is on the couch with me, something I don't usually do. but Ramey is in the hospital and I don't know when she gets to come home. hospitals are gross. pain meds have limited appeal really, when you're all screwed up. every blue two door sedan with front end damage gets my attention.

is this the other shoe dropping? god, I hope so.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Ramey, my partner, was broadsided by a hit and run driver on her way home from work. She was on her scooter. She's messed up, at Harborview with a fractured ankle needing surgery, a lacerated liver, a broken rib and two lumbar vertebrae fractures. Oh, and a lacerated elbow. What type of person hits someone with their car and then takes off??? What type of person is this??? I really want to know.

I'll save the Harborview story for another post. I'm going to have a glass of Scotch.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

We are seriously screwed. The weather went from rain to snow to brief sun back to snow then a smidge of rain and now overcast. I drove through 6 weather systems going to the store. Robins are acting like they aren't concerned but cripes, our carbon footprint is stomping all over all life on earth, if you know what I mean.

Tonight I'm going to the Jet Lee, Jackie Chan silly movie. They are both past their prime but what the heck. Lots of ridiculous stunts and dumb jokes and maybe some cheesy Chinese music like in the Chinese girl movies (the incredibles? the fantastic four?) where they run up walls, throw poison darts and ride motorcycles on telephone wires. Then the love scenes are so cheesy and sappy and the music is barfy. With pink lenses. Big tears s-l-o-w-l-y run down their faces. *sob*

Thursday, April 17, 2008

can I just say, if you are a misanthrope, jury duty does not help. people do terrible things to each other. with ashtrays (?) or fire extinguishers. really. and the room you wait in has ugly swirly carpet and a bunch of tvs on the walls but not movies. at least they could show the sound of music or something. the only scene on the tvs are us sitting around. that is not a movie. that is boring. I might have to stab myself with a pen or start reciting poetry while standing on a counter. aside from the little trip to harborview, I bet they would not want me on a jury.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

yesterday morning, my ginormous boy cat, Wishbone stood by my bed wrowing over and over. I tried ignoring him until he stopped and started thumping around. I got up and he was merrily flipping a dead robin around the room, feathers everywhere. I apologized to the robin and dropped him/her into the garbage. THIS MORNING, the dog was whining, not a good sign. I found that she had pooped on the rug in my office AGAIN. Why, Why? Back to bed and Wishbone was back, with a juvenile rat, under the bed. The rat was alive. It ran under the door to my studio but was too stupid to stay there. After throwing shoes at the cat and yelling at him, he slunk back up the stairs and waited so when the rat reappeared, he grabbed it and ran down the stairs. This time the rat was squeaking. GAWD.

I know PETA wouldn't approve but I am going to take them all outside and strangle them. I will leave their little dead bodies in a row in the yard as a message to the survivors. DO NOT poop in the house, DO NOT bring dying, dead or squeaking creatures into the house and play with them at 4:30 in the morning in my bedroom. Is that clear? Any questions?

Monday, April 14, 2008

saturday, HHDL at Qwest field, parade of cultures, a lot of children, hot sun. We sat behind him but when we sang he turned around and faced us. He still wears big glasses and he laughs a lot at himself. He held Christine Gregoire's hand and talked about women leaders. How we need them. How the men have messed it all up. The day was surreal, too hot, Buddhist monks in Qwest field and the CEO of Qwest field talking about compassion. The place was packed. I cried a lot. For everyone.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I am totally exhausted, three babies in three days and three days of clinic. Sheesh. All baby girls, yeah! And tonight is writer group night. Also the LAST night to rehearse for HHDL. The big day is this Saturday. I have rehearsed enough and I don't want to miss the writers. BUT I have been sitting here trolling for a poem to bring. I have many uncritiqued poems, like about 30 but they are in various stages of disrepair. I've been trying to spruce them up, sigh, and I have a few sorta respectable ones. I'm making cookies so maybe no one will notice that my poem is a retread.

I went swimming after no exercise in a week. Gawd, it was like swimming in jello or something. I wondered about drowning, quietly sinking to the bottom because of my fatigue and then the whole drama of being saved. Totally not worth it. They would probably put me on probation at the pool, like one of those notices behind the cash register about bad check signers.

I wonder if I can take my laptop to jury duty purgatory. Does anyone know?

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Last night I sang with 600 people, many of them children. It was a blast. We are singing for the Dalai Lama in a week. At Quest field. In front of 40,000 people. Last night, our intrepid leader tried to get us to learn a new song. I don't think this is a good idea. I have learned the songs we are singing for now and another song will throw me off, will throw me down. I can't learn new songs like that. My right ear rings all the time, I have memory issues, the song was too high a register and too show-tuney even though I think HHDL won't care a whit. He will just probably smile at us because the children are so funny with their missing teeth and squirming and nose picking. I watched one girl, about 10 years old, actually take off her shirt underneath her dress, like you take off a bra while driving, dislocating your shoulders and then pulling the bra out from a sleeve, ta-da, with a flourish. And she was standing on stage, in front of all the adults. Insouciant, I say. She has a future in showbiz, don't you think.

Today I delivered a baby and drank celebratory Scotch at 4 this afternoon. 15 year old Glenfiddich. Some day I am going to the Oban distillery to see their barrels or whatever it is they distill Scotch in. I love Scotch and I rarely drink it because we could go right down the tubes together, Scotch and I. Occasionally I act mature.

I couldn't get out of jury duty. I am going to take my knitting and some good snacks and a notebook and write public safety building poems. Sonnets.

If I stopped eating everything that has corn syrup in it, would that be unpatriotic? Just wondering.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I got another speeding ticket today. In Brier. Which is a Seattle outpost where they still have mostly white people. I was driving and eating string cheese and trying to read directions backwards, you know, when you have to reverse the directions to find your way back to the freeway. And the cop was so pleasant, it was a brilliant sunny day and I mostly saw his wedding ring and the butt of his revolver and his freckled hand with reddish hairs. I didn't even get upset. I will never get the lowered insurance rate. I get close to having something disappear off my license and BAM, I get another ticket. I wasn't speeding either. I can't speed. I own an Insight hybrid powered by gerbils. But it is a weird looking car so I get stopped. When I am on the ferry, the guys wanna talk car with me. 'Hey, lady, how many miles you get?' etc.

Yesterday I went to St James Cathedral. Just to sit there in the sacristy, or whatever you call it. The main room thing. I always get a little nervous when I go into a Catholic church, like they will find out I'm a buddhist and throw me out for not using holy water. I wanted to go there because they have some really nice art and a big statue of Mary and her baby. I was thinking about all the babies in the world and feeling worried for them so I thought Mary and I could talk and she could do something, take some suggestions or whatever. This happens to me in the spring. I see all the green and tender leaves and want to protect them. I know summer will come and everything will dry out and the leaves will fall and the cats will eat a few birds and the whole catastrophe and I can't stop it, can't make it stop.

Got a poetry rejection today. I hate it when they tell me they considered a poem that didn' t make the final cut. Is that supposed to make me feel special?

At yoga class, we lay on the floor and listened to Hindu singing the whole hour. Bliss, and then my phone rang. I wanted to throttle it but because it is an inanimate object, I could't. It also wouldn't have been very nonviolent of me.