Wednesday, August 30, 2023

Dear friends-

Welp, what is there to say? I'm still in bed,  avoiding my writing desk. I just talked with a video-savvy friend who is eager to make a short video to accompany my thesis presentation, should I get that far. (I will, I must).

The birth world is chaos but that's nothing new. We're short a midwife so I'm taking more call :-( and feeling the pressure to be in twelve places at once. I talked to the boss AKA my friend who I sold the practice to back in 2017 yesterday and with the addition of another midwife at the end of this month, I may be off the hook for real. Like, not working anymore. Which would be just fine with me. I would still offer to  birth assist but randomly. I was thinking I could hold out til the end of the year but sooner would be just fine. I talked to my financial guy yesterday and he assures me that he can get me to 2045. But holy moly, I don't want to live that long, nah. Besides, the planet and all. 

How are you faring with everything? My children and grandchild are ok. My circle of friends and wider communities are also ok. But the planet is not. Well, she'll be fine, she'll right herself. We've just made a hash of it. 

In other news, it rained yesterday and last night, finally. I went outside and turned my face to the sky, just to feel the rain. Today the air smells so good and fresh. All the poor plants are in their shutting down cycle  but their roots are well watered. My pea patch buddy brought me a summer squash, tomatoes, green beans, a cuke and some sweet peas. I'm debating whether to go in the pool or the lake...When the weather gets colder, I do this bargaining with myself about where to go. Tomorrow and neighbor and I are getting in the lake at 6 AM for a swim. Then we go off to work. 

What will I do if I don't work in the clinic anymore? It will be so WEIRD. Putting down an identity. 

Love and kisses,

Luminous Cloud   

Wednesday, August 23, 2023


My girl married her John from South Africa. He now has a whole new family. And he asked me to be his mum. I said yes, of course. 

Waiting on a mom in early labor. I don't wanna go to a birth but I will get over my bad self. I have to. Friday another three days of training with chaplaincy. It rained a bit last night, lovely to hear the rain on the deck. 

I have a bunch of short papers to write about the last trainings and the one coming up. Remember, if I EVER suggest another training program I'm interested in, please disabuse me of that notion. Please. 

Although film theory would be fascinating. (Don't ask)

I must go for a walk or something. I'm tangled up in knots with stress.  A swim would be great but I can't take my phone in the water with me. 

I hope everyone is ok after the latest climate/political fuckery. We find our friends. We hang with those we love. Last weekend was nuts but I saw some of my favorite people in the world. My wife loves me and I love her.  Clark gave me a Bob Ross bobble head that talks. So life is good. 

Tuesday, August 08, 2023

 Tomorrow begins another chaplaincy training period with lectures on-line and a 5 day retreat thrown into the middle. My mentor cleverly suggested that on our 'rest' day that Rachel and I go to the lady spa. I immediately made an appointment for a scrub and a soak and a lie down. Yeah. 

The weather this summer in the PNW has been reminiscent of the past. Cool in the morning, burned off by 2 PM so a dip in the lake is called for and cool nights. While the rest of the planet burns up and people die of the heat, we are enjoying the lovely Northwest summers of yore. 

Can we talk. I don't know how we (I) live with this cognitive dissonance. I know the suffering is immense. When we were near Death Valley last month, the temperatures reached 120. Mapquest did not allow us  to cross the desert. A broken car would be death for us. Heat deserts are a thing, especially for poor and Black and Brown people in big cities. As usual. Who dies first, sooner, more often. 

How do we live with this? 

My thesis is now 24 pages and growing. I told my advisor it's probably all wrong. I'm keeping the magic out of it. The beauty of the women I have interviewed is hidden behind the words. Maybe those long gorgeous stories are just for me. Facts and surveys and data are not my experience. If I have a description for myself at this point in the chaplaincy process is that I'm a mystic. I endeavor to see with the eyes of my heart. As I said to someone I'm mentoring right now, it's all love. All the years of practice and meditation and study and retreats have brought me here. It's all love. From within and without. 

Continuing on with my teen boy series obsession, I have discovered a Substack person who is dissecting Young Royals with the eye of a film school instructor. Each week he/they/whoever takes one topic; metaphor of pizza, music, negative space, blocking scenes etc. and gives an in-depth analysis of said topic. I'm totally hooked. It's so interesting. My wife has joked that film school will be my next field of study. She might be right. And very possibly, I'm avoiding the pain and heartache of our beleaguered world by entertaining myself thusly. 

Well, dear friends, I have to get up at 5:30 for the morning meditation so I better get to bed where, perhaps I will fall asleep. 

I may dream of my dear dear lake which holds me and rocks me in her vastness. I am grateful for every day I get to swim there. 

Random thoughts. May we all be well. May we find freedom in this very life.