Friday, July 25, 2008

My partner and I of almost 7 years are separating. The feeling in my body is like an electrical current, a jangling, whistling sound, ragged and raw. Sleep is difficult. I sit in my bed in the morning and wonder about 'groundlessness', where the edges don't hold. How is it that we push away pain, welcome delight as if both were not in each other. All the time.

Patti fed me heirloom tomatoes, aged cheese and good Scotch last night. She has a couch now and we sat on it and looked at the water from her living room window. I don't scare her. A Portland friend is coming tonight to stay the weekend. I hope the babies will give me a break and not want to be born in the next few days.

Gratitude. For those who can approach without fear. I'm not toxic. Not really.


Marti said...

Hi beth...i'm sorry about the separation, i can only imagine how know it is hard for you....

Missed the past month's meetings, plan on going Monday, maybe see you there. Hope all is well.

thinking of you, I know you aren't toxic....!

beth coyote said...

thanks, Marti! I will see you next Monday unless a baby interrupts.

as weird as we are, the folks at SOS feel 'normal' to me.

Of course, you are not weird...