Wednesday, November 04, 2020

 Just had a good long cry after reading Mary's blog here. Holding her hand through this shite. What I have is a cat who had taken to peeing large puddles in front of the front door so when I step into the house, I step into a pee puddle. Being gone for two weeks has sent her right round the bend. Don't tell me animals don't feel our anxiety and stress. 

Nancy is talking about going to Germany and living in her brother's house until they kick her out. She doesn't feel safe here. Casey is looking into a visa for Portugal, in prep for emigrating. Tracy and her fam are planning a trip to Mexico but she said to me today that either candidate is still part of a system that doesn't give a fuck about her brown self and her brown children. 

Still. 

Four more years of woman hating, queer baiting, BIPOC hating, LIFE DESTROYING for personal gain policies and speeches and agendas is too much to bear. So I just cried and cried til the snot was running down my face. The cat is perched beside my computer purring away. I think she's trying to soothe me or maybe herself. 

At least with Biden we could have some sanity around the pandemic, some coordination, SOMETHING. Repairing our relations with global leaders.....jeezus. 

Felix and I went to Cougar Mountain for a good long hike in the rain. 


My younger daughter is driving up here from LA some time this month. We're going to be the workers in a small sweat shop in my house making aprons as promo for her book. 

Felix likes to go to sleep and then wake up at 2 or 3AM and start woofing, softly, over and over. Why does he do this? Other than making me want to kill him. You try sleeping through a 'woof' every 3 minutes. 

Thanks

Listen
with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water thanking it
standing by the windows looking out
in our directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you

over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks we are saying thank you
in the faces of the officials and the rich
and of all who will never change
we go on saying thank you thank you

with the animals dying around us
taking our feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
thank you we are saying and waving
dark though it is

I watched Good Will Hunting again the other night. Robin Williams acts the hell out of his part. His gestures, asides, the way he uses his body to convey deep compassion . Sometimes we are witness to greatness. Bless him for giving us that light. 

The rain is raining all around. Going to bed and if Felix won't stop woofing, he goes into the guest room.


1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

I haven't really cried yet. I feel shut down. Like a big old rusty machine who's been overused and not maintained. Weary as I've ever felt.
Oh, Beth.
Let's hold on.