Friday, August 13, 2021

 Well, we missed the birth but her husband stepped in and caught his daughter. Experienced parents, water off a duck's back.

In other news, lotsa grapes for the first time! And the elderberries are ready to pluck. But you know what. It's too effing hot to do anything except get in the lake and stand there (well, I swim to the buoy and around). Felix and I have already been there once but there is another trip to the water in our future. 

I called Mary M to tell her that her governor is an idiot. As if she didn't know. Insecurity and anxiety is our new normal, right? 

I am checking my blood sugar and finally deciding to take statins for my cholesterol. There are only so many things I can do, diet and exercise wise, that fix anything. Especially with family genetics. It's disappointing that I won't be able to say I'm not on any meds...sheesh, just like a real old person. 

And can we talk? I've lost 10 pounds in the last year so I'm 138 pretty reliably. Why are my boobs so big? Why? Eden convinced me to order 10 bras of different sizes and designers, try them on and send back the ones that don't work. She told me to use a credit card ($700+!!!) I'm waiting for the package to arrive. She is a clever girl so I trusted her. 

She's much better, BTW. The surgeon told her to begin PT and she can begin to use her arm. The dog is gone and now she can take jobs (with help from her cousin Sarah) and begin to have an income again. I've been so worried about her. I know you know. 

Went to Ventura with my women Dharma friends and we walked on the beach and talked and talked and hung out. I also saw the inside of a famous rock star's house because Rachel was staying there. To describe my amazement and astonishment would be an understatement. You know when you act like everything is normal but you are faking it. I tried hard to be cool but it was a bit of a stretch.  Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Alice in Wonderland? 

Tomorrow I facilitate a memorial for a baby who died. I wrote something but it's all inadequate. Showing up is really all we can do. Sometimes we're just hanging on. 

With the folks I mentor, I've been asking, "Who are you?" It's a really good, unanswerable question.

Who are you, really?


Elizabeth said...

So, so much here. Oh, Beth these are such hard days. A baby who's died --- all of it. I am glad you are in the world. And good on you for losing weight if that's what you needed to do.

Ms. Moon said...

What a precious picture! That little baby just wanted to get here.
It was so fun to talk to you. I keep thinking about that guy in the house watching baseball, surrounded by his pentagrams. SHARON!!!!
I will be thinking about you today. Bless all of you. May there be peace.
As to who am I?
Good question. I think that Popeye said it best when he said, "I yam who I am."
Me too.

am said...

O my goodness. Lovely. That young mother holding her newborn daughter. You and your grown daughter looking out for each other.

My heart knows who I am, and I do my best to pay attention to my heart's wordless presence in the present distractions of heat and smoky air, to say the least. As my friend, Elaine, used to say with genuine warmth, "An AFO." Another Fucking Opportunity (-: