As I have posted on facebook, but I will tell the tale again. In bed this am, I heard the garbage trucks, shit, yesterday is the usual garbage day but there was a holiday yesterday, uh oh, so I race down in my pajamas in the pouring rain to take out the garbage. While I'm out there, I decide to fill up the hot tub for my honey. She has so many aches and pains all the time, she uses the hot tub every day and we decided to clean it out. So I'm on my knees to turn the wee nob so the water won't drain out and I begin filling it. However, the nob doesn't want to turn all the way and the water is running out again. I run back and forth, with additional tools, rain dripping off my raincoat and glasses.
I realize I've locked myself out, hahahahahahahahahahahaha! The dog is standing on the other side of the glass door looking at me. Duh.
I go across the street and bang on Brenda and Pete's door. Nothing. A few more times and Pete comes to the door in his jammies. I explain that I'm locked out. He walks back into the kitchen. I notice that Alice, the 2 year old, is standing by the couch watching an ipad movie. She's naked, of course, with a fine smear of poop on her butt. I offer to wipe her but she refused. Instead she shows me where she's pooped on the floor.
About that time, I remind Pete that the garbage trucks are outside. He moves into high gear, throwing on shoes and racing outside. I run out too, in time to see him do a rather fantastic twirling side spin onto the pavement, blammo. I get the garbage can to the curb, Pete staggers back to the house and we begin cleaning up poop footprints while Brenda is hosing Alice off in the tub.
It was beautiful.
Eventually Pete drives me to Deb's store for a house key. I fuss with the hot tub a few more times and give up.
I take the dog out in the downpour and kee-rist, he's a total mudball when I bring him home. My socks and pants are soaked. I'm frozen.
I took a bath, made tea and I'm watching the last two Harry Potters. I want a magic wand for Christmas.
Tonight we're going to see Dina Martina. I'll probably drink. A lot.
http://menacinghedge.com/events/frigginsmokinhedge/ if you wanna hear my last reading.