My Little Golden Book of Phobias

One of my clients gave me some solar powered thingys to stick in the front yard. One of them makes a beeping noise every 3 minutes.

Why, you ask, am I doing this?

Well.

I have gophers or shrews or moles that make those piles of dirt here and there and make the ground wobbly with their tunneling. The noise is supposed to drive them crazy so they go live next door. As my house is now effing freezing and I'm refusing to turn on the heat as it will just pour out the back where all the gaps in the kitchen wall are, (breathe) I've decided to concentrate on rodent activity as a distraction.

I am burning leftover bits of wood from the construction in my fireplace and if I sit right next to it, there is a bit of warmth. And if I'm wearing all my clothes and a blanket.

I have no idea that a stake in the ground emitting a beeping noise will actually work but perhaps the neighbors will think I have some sort of elaborate monitoring system and they won't break in. My friend Holly wondered about the security of the back area that's held together with a few screws.

What would they take? The katz? If I have anything valuable, it's buried under boxes or in the basement under a serious layer of concrete dust. Besides, if Felix is here, he'd bark his big dog bark and jump on the intruder until the person gave him a bone. Very intimidating, I can tell you.

We fed kids last night. It was a cold night and our hot cider was a hit. There was a baby with her parents there. She kept smiling at us from her car seat. I wondered if she lives in her car seat. Homeless young parents with a baby. Wrong. So wrong.

It might actually be warmer outside than it is in here.