My hood is having block party and I'm not going because I'm grumpy and sad and whiney. It's too effing hot, as in, I'm a hot mess. I hate therapy sometimes. I don't want to go. I start revving up the anxiety about 3 hours before and I blame it on caffeine, lack of sleep, low blood sugar but then I get there and I know what the matter it. Someone is scratching around into my head, inside my skull and it itches and buzzes but I can't fix it not with my usual tricks so instead I ignore it as long as I can I can wait for 50 minutes to run out to my car which is about 943 degrees the shift stick is melted the water in the water bottle is hot and I'm not on that damn couch anymore talking about why I'm so fucked up it's boring for gawd's sake. This is the best I got.
O for some cooling NW rain and clouds and a wind to knock the apples off the tree.
What can you do when someone you know disappoints, really disappoints you? I'm not even mad as I am distressed and nervous and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Someone you expected to behave better, more compassionately, with integrity and gratitude but instead they've gone all grevious and Calamity Jane on you. Maybe I'll never learn. A naive dumbshit to the end.
I'm sure my mother has something to do with this. I'm positive.