My sweet daughter and I spent time at Harbin Hot Springs, surely an upscale hippie clothing-optional place in the hills of northern California. She's in a grieving and wounded place so I was happy to be with her so we could soak and eat and have massages and dance and talk.
I held her in my arms in the warm pool as she cried. It felt holy and tender. I felt blessed to have her friendship and trust. We talked about her childhood and the difficulties of being from a 'divorced' home. We talked about so much that was deep. Today she woke feeling sick so we took Milo and left for the day so she could rest and be in bed. This evening, I read her big parts of 'Polishing the Mirror', the latest Ram Das book. He writes so eloquently about loss and grief and transformation and love.
It's a special kind of pain, when you can't shelter your child from suffering. No matter how old they are. And no matter that they have their own journey, you still want to ease their way a bit, somehow even though you know you can't. At some point I realized that my very dying would cause my children to suffer. Ah well, it can't be helped.
The night at Harbin after we had done all our activities, I wandered back to our room to collapse. Maya was still dancing. I went into our room in the dark looking for a light switch when I heard strange noises. Squeaky squeaky until I realized there was, um, fucking going on in the room next to ours. Fast, slow and grunty. And again in the morning. Twice.
I was dying to lay eyes on the randy couple but short of lurking outside their room waiting for them to come out or getting my hands on the roster for the weekend, I was out of luck. Not quite a meditation retreat environment where there's no talking, no eye contact and definitely no sex!
Back to Seattle tomorrow.
7 comments:
You gave us an entire life-journey, right here in these words.
No, we never give up the idea of being able to protect and/or comfort our children, do we? And as much as we know that loss and pain are a part of life, we would so wish that our children didn't have to experience them. Why IS that?
Yes! We MUST know what the randy couple look like.
And honey- I did get your package! Thank you. I sent you a card. I adore you.
Oh yes such a story for a foggy Sunday morning. Also thanks for the book tip. I ho p e the library has it. You are one of the most gifted and natural healers I know. I have felt rocked in a pool of warm water by you so often. This morning I was rereading the poem you sent which lives in a place of honor on my mantle. I want to post the poem on m y blog if that's okay.
As Ezra says, Big Love,
Rebecca
Oh yes such a story for a foggy Sunday morning. Also thanks for the book tip. I ho p e the library has it. You are one of the most gifted and natural healers I know. I have felt rocked in a pool of warm water by you so often. This morning I was rereading the poem you sent which lives in a place of honor on my mantle. I want to post the poem on m y blog if that's okay.
As Ezra says, Big Love,
Rebecca
Sweet, sad and funny, all in one post. I worry too, about how I will help my daughter through her heartaches and breaks. She's a late bloomer, so we've been spared the high school drama, but I know it's coming and worry needlessly about it.
Your relationship with your daughter is a marvel, your are both so lucky.
Love, death, sex, loss, pain and comfort. The whole chaos in one beautiful post.
I've been there! Which is exciting, as I'm from Ireland. My sister brought me. It's beautiful, I'd love to go again. My sister's friend went for a massage and felt her masseur was getting a bit intimate, geographically. 'What are you doing, Jurgen?!' she asked. 'It's a Thai massage' he replied. 'I know it's a thigh massage, but don't you think you're getting a little high up?' was her reported retort. Wah wah wahh.
Apart from my initial excitement re Harbin, I'm sorry for all this your daughter's going though, but what a healing time to have with you. As to the sex, well... it's a nice place to have sex, no doubt. Circle of life, and all that :)
Mary-I got your card XXXXXXXXXX
RK-please post the poem on yr blog, I'd be honored.
Mel-Oh to heal the wounds from long ago, mother/daughter shite. It's a blessing.
Sabine-thank you.
Jo-You know! It's still there. It's still pretty magical, sex and hot water and all.
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