revenge of the cat people

I once had cats who could be LEFT AT HOME b'y THEMSELVES and they didn't self destruct. No, they ate their food and USED A LITTER BOX and didn't barf on my bed.

I was gone for 3 measly days and I came home very late last night, ie. 2AM. After unloading my kayak, no mean feat and getting all my gear into the house and knowing I had an 8AM client, I began to notice a 'smell'. First there was the rug by the front door all balled up and as I approached, I noticed many poops all over it and much pee. Ok, a moment of unhappiness. Then there was a dab of cat barf on the big rug in the living room, alrighty. As I climbed the stairs to my room, I was seized with fear. Approaching my room, ok, a larger pile of barf on my bed, whew, not poop. But the guest room, aha, another balled up rug, much more poop and pee AND pee ON THE BED. On to the bathroom, another balled up rug and, you quessed it, more pee/poop combo plate. What the fark? Did the cat door become stuck and they couldn't get to the basement and the litter boxes?? Did a burgler get in and traumatize them so they completely forgot their manners?

I stripped all the beds, put massive poop into the toilet, took the rugs outside and left them on the porch and got jolly 4 hours before work.

Obviously, they cannot be left alone. Or they will gang up on me and turn my house into one giant litter box. I wanted to strangle each one of them but I was too tired. Strangle.my.cats.yes.