I did it

I sent out 6 poems tonight, before midnight so it counts. And I am sitting on one of those blow-up ball chairs that are SO DORKY and ugly but my back has been giving me fits and maybe it will help. I got my site meter to work and Dubai is on there and someplace in Korea. Kinda freaky.

I got together with a friend yesterday whose mom killed herself and what a relief to talk to her. She says that the feelings are like a beach ball you try to hold under water but they just pop up randomly, like in the supermarket when you are staring at the gum section and suddenly you remember when your brother went to bed with gum in his mouth and during the night it got in his hair so he had this really funny messed up wad on one side of his head and you had to cut it out with cuticle scissors so he had a hole place in his hair. Then at breakfast your mom gets all mad because he has a chunk taken out of his hair and there is gum stuck to his pillow case which she hasn't seen yet...and now he is dead and you can't call him up anymore to kid him about gum-head.

So I'm sitting on a beach ball chair and my brother is still a goner. I think Monday is the next suicide support group drama meeting. Now I have friends who want to go to so I have company. Then after we can have a drink. I want a mixed drink but I never know what to order. I feel so unsophisticated. What is a grasshopper drink anyway, squeezed grasshoppers? Or electric tea, little lightening bolts? Maybe I'll just drink a scotch. And think of the moors and lichen and sweaters and the like.