The house is so quiet. And clean. After my breakfast, I sat at the table and cried. For a while. For long enough that my eyes are all swollen and my nose is drippy. Felix came and 'nosed' me by pushing his nose under my arm. He wants a walk so off we go.
The sun is miraculously out. I emptied and refilled the hot tub and it might be hot enough now.
Tonight there is a 'Hot Flash' dance at the boy bar. The dance is twice a month for the ladies. I usually go with a friend-any excuse to dance, you know. She can't go tonight so I'm thinking I'll go ALONE. Gawd. Because it is for us older gals, it starts at 6PM and ends at 10. Hahahahahaaha. I'm usually done by 8, really. And the music is questionable; sometimes good, sometimes terrible. I'll go and dance by myself and have a drink made by a bartender that knows how to make cocktails, unlike me.
There are usually a few dancers on platforms who are barely dressed and young and skinny. I feel, um, anbivalent about them. Women stick dollar bills in their panties like strip clubs. It's modern life, I guess. Am I sex positive or an old fart? I don't know.
A dance friend just called and wants to meet me tonight to dance. I don't have to be totally pathetic!!!
Saved. But not by the baby Jesus.
Grief is a bitch.