I don't want to admit any of this but it is unfortunately all true.
Heidi, my intrepid tenant for 4 1/2 years, moved out two days ago. That last night, we opened a bottle of champagne and even though there were no real glasses around, we shared the bottle. Meanwhile Joel, Heidi's BF, moved and packed while we sat on the deck cackling. Um, then we opened another bottle and polished it off. Heidi found some long sparklers and I burned the shit out of my thumb as we waved them around. Then Heidi started weeping as they said goodbye. Bye bye.
After that I fell into the bushes in my yard and went to work the next day with a scratch on my face and twigs in my hair. Oh, and two hours of hiccups.
Moral: Drugs and alcohol are not good for you. Just say no.