This morning I got up very early to swim in my local pool. I got there in the dark and the parking lot was strangely empty. Hmmm. I went in and a nice young lady was sitting at a card table by the door to the pool. As I approached her, she said the pool was closed because the underwater lights weren't working. So like any mentally healthy person six days after the worst election IN THE WORLD, I burst into tears. She reared back in alarm and gave me a free ticket to the pool at a later date... I sobbed my way out to the car and drove back home so I could shower for work. As I sat in front of my house weeping on my steering wheel, I reached a moment of clarity. Perhaps I wasn't really upset about the pool. Maybe it was for all of it and I've been holding myself from having a monumental cry over the whole damn thing. Yeah, that's probably it.
I visited a new momma a few days ago and her dog bit me. Uh, I did take it as a sign. I got a tetanus shot and had a very sore arm for a while.
I'm wearing a friggin' safety pin on my clothes.
A newly pregnant mom told me today in clinic that after 15 years, she and her husband decided to get pregnant and they did. And all the joy she was feeling has gone, like a light being extinguished.
Meanwhile my friends of color are being openly harassed on the streets of my liberal town. God only knows what's happening elsewhere. We're all so afraid.
My dreams are full of dread. And when I wake, they don't disappear. They trail me all day, ghostly and menacing.
Dear Leonard, We miss you awful.