My Little Golden Book of Phobias

I know.

Another terrible day.

So many people dying in California.

Berserk white people, mostly men, in DC. 

Loss.

There were three people in the crowd who had 'medical events' and they died. I saw that one of them was receiving chest compressions and I thought 'heart attack'. 

Of course. When our hearts break, from pain or loss or anger, they may stop beating. That fragile fruit, hanging within our ribcage. So easily bruised, frightened, damaged.  

When we rise up against one another, with our righteousness, there is a darkness that overcomes us. Whenever I heard a friend say she hoped Trump would die from the virus, I felt it like a blow. I shrank from the thought. Somewhere he is a trembling human. All those men swarming the capitol building are humans, with the same needs and cares and worries like mine. 

Today I put on my wetsuit and met a bunch of women by Puget Sound. They were in bathing suits and t-shirts and yoga pants. We stood, paddled, floated in the 48 degree water for 20 minutes, enough time for my hands to go completely numb. Makes getting out of a wetsuit rather challenging. Came home and got in the hot tub, drank hot cocoa and got into bed with my electric mattress pad turned up. 

Of course, people who threaten others for their ideological beliefs or misadventure, misunderstanding or confusion...well, there are consequences. Nothing is ever 'lost' forever. Racism was never 'gone', it was just buried. The laws of cause and effect are eternal laws. Karma, if you will. Karma actually means action and it is said that our actions are all that we truly have. 

Going into this new year, we can choose. I think of Mary's chickens and her love for them. Or Elizabeth's writing. Or the beautiful music and quotes that Sabine publishes. All of us here in this little virtual community enrich and care for each other. Yes, there is so much despair. But there is standing in terribly cold water and feeling the body rising to meet the challenge. Our hearts can rise to meet the challenges of our broken and troubled world. 

Sisters, I love all of you.

Beth