My Little Golden Book of Phobias

 Just had a good long cry after reading Mary's blog here. Holding her hand through this shite. What I have is a cat who had taken to peeing large puddles in front of the front door so when I step into the house, I step into a pee puddle. Being gone for two weeks has sent her right round the bend. Don't tell me animals don't feel our anxiety and stress. 

Nancy is talking about going to Germany and living in her brother's house until they kick her out. She doesn't feel safe here. Casey is looking into a visa for Portugal, in prep for emigrating. Tracy and her fam are planning a trip to Mexico but she said to me today that either candidate is still part of a system that doesn't give a fuck about her brown self and her brown children. 

Still. 

Four more years of woman hating, queer baiting, BIPOC hating, LIFE DESTROYING for personal gain policies and speeches and agendas is too much to bear. So I just cried and cried til the snot was running down my face. The cat is perched beside my computer purring away. I think she's trying to soothe me or maybe herself. 

At least with Biden we could have some sanity around the pandemic, some coordination, SOMETHING. Repairing our relations with global leaders.....jeezus. 

Felix and I went to Cougar Mountain for a good long hike in the rain. 

My younger daughter is driving up here from LA some time this month. We're going to be the workers in a small sweat shop in my house making aprons as promo for her book. 

Felix likes to go to sleep and then wake up at 2 or 3AM and start woofing, softly, over and over. Why does he do this? Other than making me want to kill him. You try sleeping through a 'woof' every 3 minutes. 

Thanks

BY W. S. MERWIN

Listen

with the night falling we are saying thank you

we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings

we are running out of the glass rooms

with our mouths full of food to look at the sky

and say thank you

we are standing by the water thanking it

standing by the windows looking out

in our directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging

after funerals we are saying thank you

after the news of the dead

whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you

over telephones we are saying thank you

in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators

remembering wars and the police at the door

and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you

in the banks we are saying thank you

in the faces of the officials and the rich

and of all who will never change

we go on saying thank you thank you

with the animals dying around us

taking our feelings we are saying thank you

with the forests falling faster than the minutes

of our lives we are saying thank you

with the words going out like cells of a brain

with the cities growing over us

we are saying thank you faster and faster

with nobody listening we are saying thank you

thank you we are saying and waving

dark though it is

I watched Good Will Hunting again the other night. Robin Williams acts the hell out of his part. His gestures, asides, the way he uses his body to convey deep compassion . Sometimes we are witness to greatness. Bless him for giving us that light. 

The rain is raining all around. Going to bed and if Felix won't stop woofing, he goes into the guest room.