My Little Golden Book of Phobias

 Dear Friends-

As I said, I was not going to be one of those people who swim in 50 degree water. Those fools in wet suits dragging yellow or orange balloons behind them so boats or jet skis don't clobber them. Those idiots who swim from buoy to buoy. Not me. Nope. Although I have endless fascination for all outdoor activities. Rock climbing, never want to. Mountain climbing, ditto. Biking is great. Running, can't do anymore. Hiking perfection. Downhill skiing, never ever, would kill myself. Cross-country, now we're talking. And my favorite, swimming. Not scuba diving, scares me. But swimming is closest to heaven, body-wise. 

With the pools closed, what to do? Wait for the lake to get warm enough. Then----- autumn. Nooooooo. So a wet suit it is. And let me tell you. Those fuckers are tight, really tight. Like the Black Panther movie tight. And who thought a zipper in the back was a good idea? Doesn't matter that there is a long shoelace thing tied to the zipper so you can try hauling it up your back. Right.

However.

I went swimming yesterday. And I decided to zip it up by myself. So I part way zipped it, contorted myself into the suit and zipped it ALL THE WAY UP. Yeah!!! As I said, it's like trying to pull on a stretchy thick inner tube up your legs, over your torso and over your arms. Right. But I did it. I drove to the water (beautiful brisk fall day) and swam. Well, the shock of the water was, shall we say, alarming. My body was warm, my hands and feet had no feeling and my face was frozen. Like when you eat too much ice  cream too fast frozen. 

I made it out to the buoy, paddled around a bit and then went in because even I realized the insanity of it. 

I might go tomorrow but that is absolutely the last time. I'm not completed crazy. 

I might post again after, you know, Tuesday. Probably not before. 

Stay safe out there, everyone. As Seth Myers says at the end of his shows-We love you.