Sunday, June 26, 2016

Dear ones-It's Pride Sunday in Seattle and the sky is a clear blue.

I'm not going to the parade. I'm going dancing with a few friends and then I think I'll take the dog somewhere for a walk.

I'm not getting married. I am, once again, a single person. I'm very sad about this but it was my decision to end it. As the months have gone by, it was clear that we couldn't communicate easily. There was too much drama. I began to be anxious and fearful and those feelings grew and grew. Yuck. I really tried. I feel so much relief and so much sorrow.

I would like to be partnered. I have learned that after this experience. I was fine before I met H and I will be again. I'm very grateful that she didn't move in, that we didn't marry. I'm free to think my own thoughts and have my own opinions without someone else criticizing or judging. Her need to control was greater than her fervent desire to be open hearted and vulnerable. Being with her brought up  old family patterns that are no longer useful. Like stepping out of a dark prison into the light.

Yesterday a friend and I went for a gorgeous hike that took us far away from Seattle. The mountains is where I pray. And heal.


Sabine said...

Dear Beth, time will heal your wounds. Time heals all wounds. Let me carry some of your sadness for you.

A said...

You sound deeply clear.

beth coyote said...

Sabine, thank you for your offer .<3

Elizabeth said...

You sound so clear. I hope that you feel better in time -- and I can only imagine that your true partner is out there wondering where you've been been all her life.

Betsy MacWhinney said...

I'm sorry, Ms. Coyote. :-( The humans. We are so complicated! xoxox