Monday, December 17, 2012

I'm in bed with a cold, there's a rat in the downstairs bathroom and Deb's gone to get me some brandy and lemonade. Oh, and a rat trap.

Lola is keeping watch over the rat situation. She's outside the door, waiting expectantly. I think she thinks we'll open the door so she and the rat can run around the house. Squeak! Squeak!

I tried, in vain, to capture the rat. I failed.

I think we should have more animals. Some ponies maybe or a few iguanas. And a tortoise. At least they're not easy to misplace. A big one can't go under the bathtub.

I'm not sure what the humane act is in Ratland. My exterminator Johan said, 'No rat dies a good death.' A live trap and then what? Escort the rat to the park? Feed him/her to the neighborhood python? Put him in a cage and raise him to giant rat size?

I'm feverish and snotty. At least I have a new bathrobe. The old green one was perfectly awful, only in the way a bathrobe can be. My new bathrobe has satin ribbons on it.

Ugly Christmas sweaters are hip, apparently. Wear yours with pride.


Ms. Moon said...

"No rat dies a good death."
Words to remember. Especially if you get rats. Which we do. Oh god. It's the worst.
Please feel better soon. I'm glad you have a nice bathrobe. That's something, isn't it?
And no, I will not be wearing a Christmas sweater. I have decided that I am a soldier in the War Against Christmas. So there.

Radish King said...

I'm pretty sure that giant fucking owl would make a feast of your rats.

Love the tortoise though. Love love love.

beth coyote said...

thank you, Mary, and soldier on. The next time I'm in a store with gawdawful xmas music, I'm gonna start screaming. And screaming. Until they carry me out.

Radish-can you send Ms Owl over? I'll hide the katz.

XXX Beth

Sabine said...

Drown that cold in liquids of any kind. If all fails, a hot whiskey can do wonders - it's purely medical what with the cloves and lemon. And sleep. All the best.

Being young (as I once was) and utterly ignorant about rodents I fully believed a compassionate soul who advice me to catch the rat and then thrown it in the pond where it would drown quickly and painlessly. Never saw an animal learn to swim that fast.

beth coyote said...

Sabine-your comment made me chuckle. I'm sure rats are great swimmers, especially wharf rats which we have here in Seattle, a port city!

So far, the rat has disappeared from sight. I'm worried he/she will run across the room when we have our Christmas morning brunch with friends. Egad.