Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I'm baaaaaack. After starting to talk again after a month of silence, and by the way, what most of us talk about is stupid and unnecessary, I am done talking. For the rest of the day. I may talk tomorrow and I may not.

So I came in my house after being gone all month and unfortunately, the person who had been housesitting left a few days ago. When this happens, Lupine, the evil one, terrorizes the other cats and they pee and poop in some interesting places. This time it was a) in a potted plant b) on the rag rug by the back door and c) on my zabuton in front of my altar. Oh, and under the dining room table while I was WATCHING, ferchrissakes.

So here's what you do when you get home. You wade through a huge number of emails, mostly dumb. Wade through a huge pile of mail, also mostly dumb. Clean up cat issues. Pay bills. Throw out the nasty bits in the fridge. Oh, and laundry. Snore.

What was most splendid was that I am single again. My ex decided to break up with me the day after my birthday, just before the retreat started. Ha! So I was a miserable wreck for the first week, weeping at any opportunity. It was like my eyes were leaking all the time. I would have to go to my room to lie on the floor and sob. Pitiful really. Then I slowly recovered. With no distractions, I burned through the demons in my psyche because I had all day every day to contemplate my feelings (rage, sadness, anger, more sadness, twitchiness, etc.)

The turkeys were still there at the retreat center, being ridiculous. I made friends with the horses again and I would go and stand beside them and cry. They would stand with their big liquidy eyes and wait for carrots. They had no comment on my sniffling.

Then this morning while I was still in San Raphael with my daughter, she took me shopping, something I NEVER do, once a year and in thrift stores. I bought new clothes, a bunch of new clothes. It was frightening. Maya was just too horrified by my ratty, stained retreat clothes. She was sweet about it though. I am actually wearing new clothes right now. Imagine. New clothes and single.


Apple said...

I don't think I'd be able to speak again after a silent retreat.

I've always been jealous of one of my tenants, a pretty, deaf mute, who scribbles messages to me on post-its when she comes in to pay rent.

The only sign I know is for turtle.

beth coyote said...

I know signs for clitoris and, uh, oral sex. Don't ask.

Valerie Loveland said...

I am so glad you are back! Yay!

Valerie Loveland said...

This week, I realized that my two favorite work sweaters both have holes at my right elbow.

beth coyote said...

Hi Valerie. I think I'm glad I'm back but the weather here SUCKS except that I like it.