the covid blues

 Well, this is day 5? after my positive test. Pretty mild symptoms. Runny nose, tiny cough, night sweats like I had when I went through menopause (now that's fun!) Oh and I went to the ER with severe belly pain a few nights ago. No Dx except that it's a thing with covid, who knew. It's gone but they worked me up and gave me paxlovid. Now that med is terrible tasting stuff. But I guess I will recover quicker as an elderly person. 

My neighbors and friends are taking such good care of me, shopping for food and inquiring daily how I'm doing. I am SO GRATEFUL to them for their kindnesses. 

We are in a effed up ice storm. My poor tenant (fellow midwife) went to a birth early this morning in a crummy car and said it was the worst drive of her life. I'm sure. The roads are solid ice. Poor Felix slid/fell down the stairs when I let him out this morning. And now there's another birth happening. It's bad. Well, I'm out of commission. that's for sure. 

I took a shower today because, well, even sick, I was um, smelly. Then it's back to the couch and wondering if there is ANYTHING I haven't seen yet on Netflix. I alternate with reading my book and meditating, at least today. And eating carbs. 

There's a Pali word: Dukkha which translates as dissatisfaction. The definition of suffering. I'm actually feeling oddly ok. I could dwell on being stuck in the house, missing the fun in California and so on, but I'm at peace with it. As soon as I saw the red line on my first covid test, I felt somehow settled. So there it is. Impermanence. We don't control shit.  We really don't. In this weird way, I'm feeling surrounded by love (as we all are) even when we don't know it. Is that too hippie? 

Tonight I'll hold my usual meditation at 7 PM. We'll see if anyone shows up. I'll be there. Life just be this way sometimes. 

May you enjoy the slow returning of the light.

Beth

 Well, shit. I got covid. And I will be missing Maya's 50th birthday party. She knows I love her forever. 

We might try to play Rumicube on Zoom. 

 Dear friends-

I'm sitting in a living room in Ballard, snow is falling outside and I can hear the laboring woman downstairs. My midwifery partner is here too and we are talking about being able to care for the other two women who are in early labor as well. Whew. 

Poor Felix. He's been inside except for a few potty breaks. Can't be helped. 

I've had a bit of sleep but surely not enough. This is definitely my last year doing this crazy job. And I don't even go to that many births anymore. But damn, The people here are so sweet. I've been fed oatmeal for breakfast and homemade squash soup for lunch. There are two white cats and a black one who are very curious about the goings on. 

I leave for SF on Friday to see the fam and meet Eden's new guy from S Africa. We have plans to see the new Avatar movie together on IMAX. Should be a spectacle. Apparently Eden is engaged. All I want is for her to stay in this country, not move to SA. 

As the year ends, I wish for us all a peaceful transition from this year to the next. May we all be free from sorrow, distress and suffering. 

Much love,

Beth