My hiking buddy bailed but I'm going anyway. Mason Lake in the Cascades. Apparently gorgeous views and wildflowers. A bit of a steep climb but that never stopped me before. It's still early and cool out. Felix saw the backpack and he knows what that means.

Water, cherries, nuts and two hard boiled eggs. And the 10 essentials and sunscreen. And hiking poles. I ain't vain.

This is an antidote to feeling so bla the last few days. Lonely. Sad. Grumpy. Missing my family!! So leaving the house of the blues and gonna go see about creation, constantly making and unmaking itself.

Peace out.

No wonder i didn't get the sweatshirt I ordered.

They sent it to my phone number.

See this? You can just make out Mt Rainier in the distance. It is a very tall mountain with glaciers and I have hiked and skied it many times. But that is not what I want to say. Two days ago I went to this spot and strode (is that a word?) into the water with my water shoes, bathing suit, earplugs and cap and I swam way out the the buoy and then I just stayed in the deep and beautiful water for a while. I haven't swum since March. It was sheer heaven, warm in spots, cold in spots.

And the water held me and touched me all over. I hope I never take swimming for granted again. it is the most liberating and profound experience. As I said to myself, it's better than sex or chocolate cake. We are formed in water inside our mothers. Every time I step into deep water, I'm home.

We danced on Sunday and dedicated the practice to John Lewis.



Then the teacher played this song by Patty Griffin. I just lost it.

I think there is a build-up of grief, many lifetimes of grief. If we have genetic memory, the injustices we've seen and felt in our hearts and carried throughout our lives, they are so many and so deep. That's not even a proper sentence but who cares

And so I cried all morning. For all of us. Mr Lewis led an exemplary life. He wasn't a saint, he was a human man who put himself in harm's way many, many times. And there are so many more of us stepping out to confront the oppression and confusion in each other.

My brother came and went yesterday, flying back from Alaska with halibut that he caught.As I dropped him off at the airport, he turned and said, "We didn't talk about politics at all!". And them he said, "All the middle-class white people have to get off their asses and vote".

This from my brother who is suddenly a bit woke.

Sometimes we can be there for a miracle. Or maybe I never really noticed. No matter.

I must honor the sorrow and let it move me. There is always more to do.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/07/15/asheville-passes-reparations-black-residents-historic/5441792002/

Thank you North Carolina for making my day!!!

In other news, here's what I think about missing my family so much and I can't travel to see them this year. All over the world there are families who are separated. Children taken from their parents at the border, refugees who are far away from safety and home, people who are lonely and sad. I could drive for a long time to California to see my kids and my grandchild but I think it's foolhardy. So I won't. And I am in solidarity with all those who miss and grieve for those they love.

People always talk about 'getting back to normal'. Respectfully, that ain't gonna happen. There is no getting back to anywhere. For a multitude of reasons. Let the rich lose their fortunes. Let the poor and dispossessed and Brown and Black come into a time where there is abundant housing and food and health care and human rights. And the cops have been supplanted by social workers and mental health workers and fucking SUPPORT for anyone who needs it. No getting back to normal for me, while the planet continues to falter and so much misery walks abroad. No thanks.

My garden exploded this year with monstrous plants and the bees are in bee heaven. There are so many, all kinds. The humming birds have taken to coming a bit closer to me as I sit on the deck eating breakfast. Sometimes they fly around my head so they can see all sides of my head/face/hair.

The weather is heating up and that means the lake will be warm enough to swim in. Y'all, this is the most anticipated event ever, at least in my tiny life. I  was swimming at least three times a week and missing it so with the pool closed down for months. We have a huge lake here and I intend to get in it ASAP. I hope my swim muscles aren't completely gone. I still remember how to float.

Just the thought of being surrounded by water, immersed in water, it's the closest I get to, um, extreme pleasure. Soon, my heart, soon.

On the heels of Ms Moon's story about yelling at someone in the grocery store, I was at my nearby park where I walk Felix if it's not too crowded. There are giant signs everywhere that the park is only for pedestrians now, NO BIKES. As I was leaving the park to go to my car, a young woman cruised up to the entrance on her bike and I yelled out, "No bikes, pedestrians only!" She looked around and got off her bike and went into the park wheeling her bike. I turned around to watch her, she saw me and  said, "I 'm just going in to look at the lake" in an aggrieved kind of way.

People.

There are MILES of waterfront along Lake Washington where one can 'look at the lake'. The lake is 27 miles long, fer fucks' sake.

Not to mention about 1/2 the people walking along were not wearing masks, not even hanging from their ears or around their necks. We're not Florida or Arizona but jeezus.

People say they 'can't breathe'. George Floyd couldn't breathe. You there, you can breathe with a mask on. Get over it.

I was so het up, I had to call Justine, our office manager to rant and rave. She is good for that kind of thing. Then we talked about Trump refusing federal aid to Washington because our governor is saying no school in the fall except on-line. What an asshole.

Our gov basically said, screw him.

How did we get here? I still haven't adjusted. I hope I never do.

This weekend is the last class in the series:

https://whiteawake.org/

Peace out, y'all.