This morning despair has flowered. Thinking about a baby who died 9 months ago and her sorrowing parents. The biosphere, o, our beautiful planet. I had to turn off the news when it was announced that permits for killing wild animals in Alaska would be sold...bears, wolves, other predators. Hunters allowed to use dogs and bait, allowed to kill mothers and their young.

Why?

Reading Joanna Macy's book, " World and Lover, World as Self". She devoted a chapter to despair and the uses of despair as an incentive to become active. The hope of hopelessness.

What is it that I am doing to be part of the conversation? This weekend I begin another class on racism for white allies. I may be alone in the room but I will show up to tell my stories and give insights that may land for others. Sleeping through these times is not an option. Avoiding the conversation won't work. If we are interdependent, then every loss is universal, every life, no matter how small or insignificant. It feels like a collective dying off.

The park near my house, with a few old growth trees and bald eagles, has had a fern die-off. A large area brown and wilted. Scientists with their clip boards roam around in overalls, taking notes. Salal and skunk cabbage are ok but ferns, oldest plants on the planet, are taking their leave.

What have each of us done today to counter this planetary suffering?

Metta, karuna, muditta, upekka.

Oh, it's been a long time.

I finished my facilitator training with Against the Stream. I went on another retreat with an amazing teacher-monk, historian, teacher, writer and all around genius. Analayo. While in Barre, Mass, it was revealed that Noah Levine who started ATS has been accused of sexual misconduct, lots of it.

Shite.

Fuck.

So I left the East coast and came back to Seattle where friends and I started Dharma womxn, a community for womxn and womxn identified folk who want an alternative to the local fuckery. We meditate together, talk about the dharma and eat. Eating is important. Builds community and is tasty. We meet at my house. Surrounded by Buddha stuff, statues and paintings and such. I've even started a Quan Yin on my garage door. I hope she doesn't turn out looking insane or malevolent.

I need to renounce the news cycle. Really. It continues to scare and mystify me. I went to visit a day old baby today and fell into a conversation with the (beautiful) dad whose parents are from St Kitts/St Lucia (where I trained as a midwife student in 1985!). He was born in Bristol, UK and then his folks moved to Canada. We talked about other places to live-he's got dual citizenship in the UK and Canada but a green card here. We thought Canada might work out but of course that's not the answer. Ok, how about this. I buy the NYT on Sunday and that's it, all I read. Nah, I won't be able to stick with it. Well, there's always SNL, they got it going on. And what about the Michelle Wolf? My friend Casey and I were whooping and hollering watching her. Damn, she killed.

I discovered who called about the Black man in my yard. My Mexican neighbors said it was the Chinese family a few doors down. The elders who live there don't speak English so I have to catch one of the younger family members to talk to. And I'll leave my phone number with them so they can call me, not the cops. And Victor and I thought a block party would be a good idea.  Cliff has a huge wood fired barbecue grill on wheels. I oughta invite him for sure.

We can learn to stop being afraid of each other.

Spring is springing all over the place.